Self-Introduction Letter

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Subject: Self-Introduction Email

Dear Professor Blackstone

My name is Amos Bian, and I am currently studying civil engineering in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT) as a year 1 student. Before enrolling into SIT, I graduated Nanyang Polytechnic with a diploma in engineering with business. Being a son of a project manager, I grew up listening to my father talk about the projects he had undertaken. Those discussions sparked my interest in his job, and it resulted in me wanting to become like my father.

I have taken up leadership roles in both army and secondary school in the past which made me more comfortable in speaking. As a leader, there is a need for me to communicate with my superiors and my subordinate on various instructions given while ensuring that it is clear, and this made me become more outspoken as a person. However, I do have a tendency to stutter which will cause confusions, and this resulted in it being unorganized and rushed at times.

Being in this course, I would like to polish up the way I speak and also the way I write. I hope that I would stutter lesser during conversations and also be able to convey my thoughts more efficiently. I also hope that my writing will be improved mainly in terms of grammar as I believe this will help me in my future careers.

My unique point is my carefreeness. According to my friends, I tend to give off an impression that I am not very bothered by various thing that is happening around me. I believe this is what makes me more unique as a person.

Thank you for the time in reading my self-introduction, and I hope it allows you to understand me better as a person. I look forward to more of your classes in the future and hope they will allow me to become a better speaker.

Best regards

Amos Bian

Civil Engineering 1281, Group 6

Comments

  1. Brad BlackstoneJanuary 21, 2021 at 6:44 PM

    Thanks for posting, Amos. I look forward to reading it and then seeing the comments of your classmates.

    By the way, the use of italics makes it a little hard to read. FYI.

    ReplyDelete
  2. YunhuangJanuary 24, 2021 at 8:09 PM

    Hi Amos, your introduction email is courteous, coherent and complete. The structure is well organised. Your only mistake probably due to careless for second sentence , it should be "I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic with a diploma in engineering with business."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amos BianJanuary 28, 2021 at 10:05 PM

      Hi Yunhuang

      Thank you for the comment. I am glad that i managed to convey the necessary information.

      Regards
      Amos

      Delete
  3. Brad BlackstoneJanuary 28, 2021 at 7:06 PM

    Dear Amos,

    Thank you for this richly detailed letter. You cover the various assignment requirements and add lots of fine concrete detail. The sharing about your interest in engineering coming from your dad is especially telling.

    I also like the detail in the section about your perceived weakness in writing and speaking. You can rest assured knowing you will be having more opportunities to do both as the term progresses.

    For this letter you have not yet received lots of feedback. Please encourage your blogging buddies to comment. One way is for you to invite them when you comment on their posts.

    Your language fluency in this letter is an area we need to address, step by step:
    -- I grew up listening to my father talked about the projects he had taken in which sparks my interest in his job and it resulted in me wanting to become like my father. > (verb forms/verb tense/run on sentence)
    I grew up listening to my father talk about the projects he had undertaken. Those discussions sparked my interest in his job, and it resulted in me wanting to become like my father.

    -- (lack of a transition for the 2nd paragraph)

    -- As a leader, I am required to communicate...while ensuring that it is clear.... > (verb tense)

    -- ...I am required to communicate with my superiors and my subordinate on various instructions given while ensuring that it is clear, this made me become more outspoken as a person. > (comma splice)

    -- ...I do have a tendency to stutter which will cause confusions, this resulted in it being unorganized and rushed at times. > (comma splice)

    -- I hoped that I would stutter lesser during conversations and also being able to convey my thoughts more efficiently. > (verb tense/lack of parallel structure)
    I hope that I would stutter lesser during conversations and also be able to convey my thoughts more efficiently. (See me about this if you don't understand.)

    -- One of my uniqueness ... > (one of many) ?

    -- ...various things that is happening... > (subject-verb disagreement)

    -- ...and I hoped it allows... > (verb tense) >

    -- ...your classes in the future and hope it will allow.... > your classes in the future and hope THEY will allow

    I look forward to seeing how you can polish the letter.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amos BianJanuary 28, 2021 at 10:09 PM

      Dear Professor Brad,

      Thank you for reading my letter. I will correct my letter as soon as possible and hope it will be much better than it currently is.

      Regards,
      Amos

      Delete
  4. Lin YiJanuary 30, 2021 at 6:59 AM

    Dear Amos,

    Your letter is courteous, concise and clear. However, like what prof brad mentioned, I do believe that the fluency of your letter can be further improved on. Other than that, it was interesting to know more about you. I look forward to reading more from you!

    Cheers
    Lin Yi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amos BianJanuary 31, 2021 at 7:24 AM

      Dear Lin Yi,

      Thank you for reading my letter. I will most certainly be improving on the fluency of my letter.

      Regards,
      Amos

      Delete
  5. SairaFebruary 1, 2021 at 8:22 PM

    Dear Amos,

    It is interesting to read your introduction letter that is clear and concine. At the time, i felt that you can further elaborate about your hobbies. You mentioned that you have grown up listening to his experiences as project manager and in the next sentance you stated that "those discussions". I felt that you could replace with those motivational working experiences.

    In you sencond paragraph, you mentioned that you have taken leadership roles. If you explain the exact leader role that you were involved, it will value added to your letter.

    I felt that your leadership role and follow by next paragraph, a little contridicts. I would think that you may consider restructure your sentance to have continous flow. So that your goals for this module will be stand out.

    I hope my comments will be useful for your necessary update.

    Thank you

    Regards,

    Saira

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amos BianFebruary 13, 2021 at 8:13 AM

      Dear Saira,

      Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I will take your comments into considerations and amend it accordingly.

      Regards,
      Amos

      Delete
  6. Aasiq AhamedFebruary 4, 2021 at 11:39 AM

    Dear Amos,

    I like that I know more about you as a person thanks to your letter. However, I personally am interested about what exactly about those discussions that your father had that got you being interested in Civil Engineering. Maybe if you could be more detailed about it, the letter would have been concrete.
    On a brighter note, I liked your flow and sentence forming in your letter. It gave me an impression that you can and will be a great writer! Let’s work on helping one another.

    Cheers,
    Aasiq

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amos BianFebruary 13, 2021 at 8:15 AM

      Dear Aasiq,

      Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I will make adjustments accordingly.

      Regards,
      Amos

      Delete

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